What you need to know before you start counselling
Perceptions of counselling vary massively. We've all seen representations of what it looks like on our TVs and socials. Friends tell us what it was like for them and usually encourage us to give it a go. That said, it's a big decision and there are unknowns until you are in the room.
Here are some things worth knowing:
1. There are many different types of counselling and counselling settings.
Choice is everywhere in recognition that individuals respond to different support. You can choose a comfortable and quiet room to meet with your counsellor, or you may prefer to be outside walking in nature or sat at home (or at work) meeting online. Your counsellor might practice gestalt, existential, person-centred, integrative, psychodynamic, EMDR, CBT, DBT, REBT, ACT, SFBT, Play or Art therapy.
Do your research by talking to counsellors to find out what they offer and how it would feel working with them. The BACP website is also a good place to learn about what kind of therapeutic support is available to you (www.bacp.co.uk).
2. It can feel worse before it feels better.
Some clients connect with their counsellor very quickly and trust them with their most intimate thoughts and feelings. Others take longer build trust in the relationship and that's ok. For every client though, the process of working through emotions can feel uncomfortable. There is a vulnerability in sharing your most difficult feelings and we all know that it can be exhausting to feel our pain. However, this is a really important part of the counselling work and the counsellor's job is to help you feel safe as you sit with difficult feelings. Ultimately this emotional processing will help to shift things for you and get to a different place, so you can get back to feeling like your old self.
3. It can feel like hard work.
Your counsellor cannot give you all the answers and most won’t give advice. The way to uncover the insight is to work collaboratively and to be prepared to be an active part of the process. Whilst the counselling session ought to feel comfortable and safe, the discussion may demand of you to face into challenges, reflect on experiences and learn new things about yourself. This can feel enlightening, but also sometimes unsettling.
Sometimes things take time to process and might be hard to reconcile. Some weeks you might feel like it is too much and other weeks you might feel you doing so well that you don’t need a session. Some weeks you might feel you’ve overshared or your counsellor doesn’t understand you. These weeks are important times to meet your counsellor and can uncover really valuable learnings. Your counsellor is trained to be there to support you meet your goals through all the emotions.
4. You are engaged in counselling when those around you are not.
As you go through your counselling you might start to feel differently about experiences and people around you. You might handle things differently and try out some new ways of relating to others. This is an important part of processing your emotions, and gaining new perspectives and insight. However, those around you are not engaged in the same work. They may start to observe changes in you and not like them. They may feel threatened or judged by the change in you. The work you are doing with your counsellor cannot exist in a vacuum and consideration needs to be taken for how this new self-awareness fits in your world outside the counselling room. Your counsellor can support you through that process, so that things make sense for you.
5. Cost and scheduling can be a barrier.
Regular counselling sessions can be hard to fit into an already overloaded schedule and together with the cost, it needs to be worth it. You might find it hard to find a counsellor to connect with, who can meet when you can, and so the search continues. Counsellors offer different services and price points, whilst operating either privately or through agencies and charities. It’s worth exploring what is on offer in your area, so that you can find a solution that feels manageable for your practical needs. I recommend looking through counsellor directories such as BACP Directory, Counselling Directory and Psychology Today or contacting local charities to ask them for referral pathways to low-cost/free counselling services.
Whilst it might always be difficult to plan into your day, quite quickly you might also feel that the 50 minute session in your day is your reset, your pause from the everyday, that gets you through every day. Clients tell me that they have weeks that are back to back, but they prioritise their counselling session. It’s time just for them and becomes something they prize and look forward to in their week.
6. It’s worth it.
All the clients that I have had, who have regularly committed to their sessions and been open to the feelings of discomfort, have experienced a shift in their feelings. By staying curious and working with their counsellor they have uncovered things about themselves, their relationships and their experiences that brought them relief and a renewed capacity to engage more optimistically with life. Counselling can’t fix everything, but it can make you feel better than you did before. That investment in you is always worth it.